Tuesday 21 December 2010

Make Your Mark

I am trying to get these blogs posted on a weekly basis but gosh, I find it pretty tough, although I'm sure in time that will change and I'll be writing the next one in my sleep.


Anyway... Onto the blog. We are most definitely all here for a purpose, to live life to the fullest and take all the opportunities open to us remembering to show love, compassion and respect for each other along the way. I feel it's a great dishonor to ourselves and also to society not do.
It pleases me so much to hear about the wonderful legacy a person leaves behind. This could be creative work, or charitable work, whatever the person was passionate about.

I was at the funeral of a remarkable woman this year, except when she was alive I had no idea of her achievements. The latter part of her life was lived incredibly simply. Yet she and her husband founded the fabulous Chelsea Girl Clothing Company in East London. This company was as fundamentally important to east Londoners as Mary Quant was to Carnaby Street in the 60's. When I close my eyes I can still see the black carrier bags with the yellow flowers.


So for her contribution to east end fashion and to a small section of society, I proudly dedicate this blog to Lynne Skidmore.

Tuesday 9 November 2010

Eulogies: To Read Or Not To Read?

No matter how much grief affects us, smiling and laughter always seems to be present. One of the most memorable funerals I've recorded, was that of a dear friend (an uncle figure in my life) with whom I'd visit every couple of months.
All the years I'd known him I had never seen him without a smile, despite suffering loss in his immediate family three times.

A funeral is supposed to reflect the very nature of a person, the term: 'fitting tribute' should be just that. The last goodbye can have all their attributes. We go to great lengths to find the right clothes to dress them in, the right music to play, and the right venue for the wake.
The priest/reverend welcomes everyone and usually starts by saying, "It's lovely to see so many of you here". Then he/she goes on to say, "I didn't know......", or " I only knew..... a short while". Immediately I feel frustration and think, Why are you up there talking about them if you didn't know them?
I've been to a large number of funerals in my life and only a handful of people have spoken about their family member or friend. I've looked around the congregation and seen plenty of people who knew the deceased and yet, it's left to the priest/reverend.
Having written and read eulogies at some of the funerals I decided on including a eulogy reading and writing service. If a reading comes from someone the family and mourners know, it makes the eulogy personal. We need to regain ownership of eulogies.

The family and friends of my dear friend came from Jamaica and other countries, to say goodbye. They did it in the exact style he would have wanted, and each time his nickname was mentioned 'Stingray', a loud acknowledgment was heard with a raised hand and clicking of fingers. A perfect end for an astonishing man.

I dedicate this blog to Johnny Small aka John The Ras.
Rest easy with Jah.              

Monday 13 September 2010

LUTHER VANDROSS (Live) - A House Is Not A Home (w / lyrics)

Friends During Bereavement.

18 January 1996     After many days at the nursing home, with my family and a sleepless night when I got in; I got the phone call in the early hours. Mum had died.
first thoughts were, What should I do today?, followed by wanting to talk to an old friend. I called Kellie but, there was no answer (too early perhaps). About an hour later she called me back.

At 10.00am that morning I opened the door to find another old friend Nicola, with a plate of sandwiches and a bottle of scotch. She gave me my orders; "You've got to eat some of this before you can drink this".
At that moment I valued the term friendship more than any other time in my life. The rest of that day saw a steady stream of friends arriving.

To avoid someone when they are grieving is a hurtful thing to do. It's assumed that those left behind may need time on their own to come to terms with the loss. It's assumed but it's seldom asked. I was lucky that very few people avoided me, perhaps by ignoring my calls or worse, crossing the street when they saw me.
When I lost the very first person who was special to me I was 17. The outpouring of grief that followed his death was astounding. I was more amazed at how many lives he had touched, with his friendship, laughter, trust, empathy and fairness. His families grief was undoubtedly comforted a little by his friends sharing stories about his colourful  and vibrant life.
Without his friends I do believe his house would have felt even less like a complete home.
He will always have a home with me, not only in the picture I have had of him for 23 years but also in my heart.

I dedicate this blog to Mervyn Webber.