Monday 13 September 2010
Friends During Bereavement.
18 January 1996 After many days at the nursing home, with my family and a sleepless night when I got in; I got the phone call in the early hours. Mum had died.
first thoughts were, What should I do today?, followed by wanting to talk to an old friend. I called Kellie but, there was no answer (too early perhaps). About an hour later she called me back.
At 10.00am that morning I opened the door to find another old friend Nicola, with a plate of sandwiches and a bottle of scotch. She gave me my orders; "You've got to eat some of this before you can drink this".
At that moment I valued the term friendship more than any other time in my life. The rest of that day saw a steady stream of friends arriving.
To avoid someone when they are grieving is a hurtful thing to do. It's assumed that those left behind may need time on their own to come to terms with the loss. It's assumed but it's seldom asked. I was lucky that very few people avoided me, perhaps by ignoring my calls or worse, crossing the street when they saw me.
When I lost the very first person who was special to me I was 17. The outpouring of grief that followed his death was astounding. I was more amazed at how many lives he had touched, with his friendship, laughter, trust, empathy and fairness. His families grief was undoubtedly comforted a little by his friends sharing stories about his colourful and vibrant life.
Without his friends I do believe his house would have felt even less like a complete home.
He will always have a home with me, not only in the picture I have had of him for 23 years but also in my heart.
I dedicate this blog to Mervyn Webber.
first thoughts were, What should I do today?, followed by wanting to talk to an old friend. I called Kellie but, there was no answer (too early perhaps). About an hour later she called me back.
At 10.00am that morning I opened the door to find another old friend Nicola, with a plate of sandwiches and a bottle of scotch. She gave me my orders; "You've got to eat some of this before you can drink this".
At that moment I valued the term friendship more than any other time in my life. The rest of that day saw a steady stream of friends arriving.
To avoid someone when they are grieving is a hurtful thing to do. It's assumed that those left behind may need time on their own to come to terms with the loss. It's assumed but it's seldom asked. I was lucky that very few people avoided me, perhaps by ignoring my calls or worse, crossing the street when they saw me.
When I lost the very first person who was special to me I was 17. The outpouring of grief that followed his death was astounding. I was more amazed at how many lives he had touched, with his friendship, laughter, trust, empathy and fairness. His families grief was undoubtedly comforted a little by his friends sharing stories about his colourful and vibrant life.
Without his friends I do believe his house would have felt even less like a complete home.
He will always have a home with me, not only in the picture I have had of him for 23 years but also in my heart.
I dedicate this blog to Mervyn Webber.
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