A Community In Mourning

                                                     Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

"There's a dark cloud hanging over Custom House and Canning town". These are the words of an old, dear friend of mine whose son was a best friend of the late Danny O'Shea. It's a good description as the whole community is feeling the loss of someone so young and clearly special to so many. I visited the family and was greeted with the warmest welcome. This sign on the front door is a beautiful notice to all. Once inside I drank coffee and listened to some funny stories about Danny as a child. I was also struck with the gentle nature of all inside the house. There was no bitterness, aggression or malice in any of the family members. The focus was clearly on the pure love they have for Danny and the many visitors bringing flowers and cards.
Growing up as a child here I was always aware the area had some bad press but for everyone living here, it didn't seem so bad to us. Everyone knew everyone else, people were popping in to have a cuppa with neighbours, and we were grateful we could ask each other for anything  that we might have run out of indoors. We're all aware times have changed, but when the community needs to pull together to support one another.. that's as easy as breathing in and out. Danny has always and will always belong to his family but something like this has prompted many to call him 'Our Danny'. He's very much still one of us even though we can't physically see him.

                                                     Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

Undoubtedly his family are suffering the biggest loss and his close friends are also struggling with his death. In the next coming weeks the members of the community who once lived here will return from all over the country to come and pay their respects and to remember a well loved person from a well loved family. These floral tributes outside his home continue to grow.

                                                    Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

                                                 Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

                                                Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

                                                 Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

May you rest in peace Danny, god bless you and your family.

I dedicate this blog to the late Danny O'Shea.   18. 06. 1993  -  02. 12. 2011





                                        

KIYAN PRINCE & THE KIYAN PRINCE FOUNDATION

 

Ken Kamara©

Today would have been the 21st birthday of an exceptional young man, Kiyan Prince. I had the pleasure of getting to know his dad Mark Prince in 2009. I was in my second year at university doing a photographic degree. We had to come up with a subject we felt very strongly about for our second year project. After some deliberation; me, Andre Laing, and Ken Kamara decided on working with the parents of the victims of gun and knife crime/youth violence.


We worked with 10 parents including Mark where we spoke to them about the circumstances surrounding their children's deaths. We filmed them talking about the circumstances and the affects it had on them. Andre Laing edited the film. We then took portraits of the parents, Ken Kamara photographed them. Finally the scenes where the incidences occurred were photographed by me. It was to be a project that further changed our lives, a project we called 'Them'.  All the parents were remarkable with regards to accepting the true hands of friendship we offered to them, they were not just here to help us achieve an important piece of work. It quickly became apparent that they were here to teach us about humility, dignity, grace, strength and patience.
Listening to their stories was difficult and brought many emotions to the surface for them and us. Many times we shed tears once they had left us, wondering and admiring how they manage to continue living their lives without their children. Some of them like Mark, went on to create their own foundations in the memory of their children's names. The Kiyan Prince Foundation does wonderful and important work reaching out to young people by giving them the opportunity to turn their lives away from crime and youth violence and to challenge their energies in positive ways by giving them the skills to regain their self worth giving them a sense of belonging and creating new opportunities for their future.

I would like to finish by saying to Mark Prince... You built and created a wonderful organisation through sheer courage, determination and tenacity. I know that Kiyan would be so proud of his parents and all that you both have achieved, primarily in the name of love.
On behalf of Priscilla Etienne, Andre Laing, and Ken Kamara thank you for the time you gave us and we will continue to support yours and all the other parents causes.

To make a donation and to see all the vital work the foundation continues to do go to;
www.kiyan.org

This blog is dedicated to Kiyan Prince.. 

DEATH ON A SPECTRUM

                                                   Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

This last two weeks has been truly thought provoking for me. Two families have been bereaved. One family has lost a much loved mum who has seen me grow up from a child. The other family has lost a very young child. I have visited both families and shared some memories with the family whose mum has died. But what of the memories for the family with the young child? Sadly there won't be very many because a very young child hasn't lived long enough to create and contribute to memories. And the parents, what category do they fall into? The children of the mother are now orphans, as am I. A husband or wife dying leaves a widow. I read a piece written by Carla F.C Holloway, Professor of English. Duke University Durham NC USA. (A Name For A Parent Whose Child Has Died, 2009)  She found a Sanskrit (Indian) word, "vilomah" which means, "against a natural order". I find it perfect because we all feel that our children should not die before us. It's definitely a word I shall be using now. It's simple, short and gentle. I'd like to see it find it's way into the dictionary along with "Funeography".

The contrast in reactions to both deaths were complete opposite ends of the spectrum. The family of the child are pensive, still bemused and are doing the best they can to ensure that there's as much support for each other as possible and when the time comes that the funeral be best it can be.
The family of the mother have now laid her to rest with as much love surrounding the day as she could have hoped for, and everyone had a better understanding of how to grieve.


I dedicate this blog to someone who travelled so much in his lifetime and took his final journey too soon.
Billy Wise

Remembering Matthew (Matty) Fitter

                                                  Priscilla Etienne Funeography©


Thursday 27th October. I arrived at the family home of Matty Fitter. It was 5.30pm and there were already some guests in the kitchen, some family, some friends. We were all gathering together to remember Matty on what would have been his 31st birthday, He died a month before his 30th birthday last year from cancer. I had a lovely chat with one of his sister's and she described her coping strategies in dealing with his untimely death. On the wall above the fireplace is a large canvas picture of Matty, smiling beautifully and dressed in a tuxedo, on the shelf just below sits his ashes. Matty was a lifelong West Ham fan, like so many of us who come from the area.

As more and more friends began to arrive the atmosphere picked up and became really lively, laughter some tears and plenty of shared memories filled the room and the marquee; that was set up in the garden.
Matty was upbeat and really positive. I hadn't seen him for some time but as soon as I heard he was unwell I wanted to see him. He didn't know what my profession was but when he saw my portfolio he thought it was a really good idea. Coming from someone whose future was so uncertain, it meant a lot.

Matty's mum wanted to repeat the balloon release that happened at his funeral. Once everyone's' balloon was filled with helium we all attached a message. His mum asked everyone to put their phone number on the back and see if anyone calls. I was one of the people that did that.
We all went outside the front gate once everyone was ready, I said a few words and we all released the balloons.
Among those words, I spoke about how much Matty's courage and positivity shone through. Even though I have worked with many families in a similar  position, Matty's illness and death affected me gravely. When I got the news he had died I was sitting in a friends car outside my house. It was raining so we were just chatting. I put the phone down and cried really hard. Only a month had passed since I'd spent time with him.

To echo the words I spoke that night before the balloon release. Matty was remarkable. He touched me in a way that no one else has. I know there were many thoughts in his mind about his illness and the very possible outcome. It's a lot of weight for anyone's shoulders, let alone someone so young with many more things to achieve and experience.

He loved his family very much and it showed. He was equally loved by them and the many friends who paid their respects at this funeral and at this joyous memorial birthday celebration.

He will always live in his families hearts, and he will always have the utmost respect and admiration from me.

R.I.P. Matty Fitter...... A superstar in life.... A shining star in death.

First Exhibition Done

The first exhibition ran for two weeks and I couldn't have picked a better time. It was during the opening of Westfield Shopping centre Stratford City. There was a host of different activities going on at The Stratford Circus also. The Funeography Exhibition was seen by many.
There's still north, South, and West London to come.

I spoke to many people about Funeography and got some really interesting feedback. I can see there is still much work to do in terms of promoting the company. I am astounded that there are still so many people that haven't even thought about it let alone heard of Funeography.

The best thing is I'm really enjoying the wonderful people I'm meeting on the journey.
There are a few people I need to give thanks for. Firstly Colin Liddel editor of the B.I.F.D.
Journal magazine. He saw the great potential in Funeography before any other funeral director and I thank him from the bottom of my heart.

Russell Lynch for writing a fantastic piece during my launch period. Tom Bateman for also giving me an excellent platform with the BBC Website piece.
My dear friend and promotional photographer Ken Kamara: www.kenkamara.com
Lee Whittaker for being Lee.... Too much to mention.

Thanks to The Dying Matters Coalition for promoting the first part of the exhibition tour.
The team at Five News for reporting Funeography so positively, and all the wonderful encouraging e mails and comments floating around the net. I'm still sifting my way through e mails and everyone will get a response.


The journey continues............


I dedicate this blog to Troy Mclouglin.

Funeography - At The London Funeral Exhibition July 2011

Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

I sat at my stand talking to the public about funeography and the impact it has on peoples lives. In the near distance there were the wonderful tones of a saxophone. As a jazz fan, it was my idea of heaven.

Every time I got quiet moments I'd pop two stands along and chat to the vibrant and charming 6ft 6 Stuart Poulton (funeral director) based in North Weald. While we were chatting a woman approached him, I assumed she was just there to look at the various stands and take in the beautiful surroundings.
She began to cry and Stuart immediately hugged her and spoke to her, clearly giving her reassurance. I remember thinking how safe and comforted she must have felt. When she left him I asked who she was and he explained that her husband had just died and he had him in his care. People warm to Stuart,just as I did.

Website: www.poultonfunerals.com

Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

          

The Reverend Paul Sinclair was displaying his brilliant motorcycle hearse. I won't say every biker's dream because this hearse is appealing to people from all walks of life. I look forward to funeography being commissioned to document a funeral featuring this wonderful final carriage.

 Website: www.motorcyclefunerals.com
                                     

Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

Winter Willow Eco-Coffins were also exhibiting their beautiful woven basket type coffins. They are a charity who provide resources and shelter for the homeless, they also provide basket making courses.

Website: www.winterwillow.org.uk

Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

The London Casket Company have very lavish caskets, a little too 'Soprano' (T.V. show) for my taste but many people still use them; I guess it's just personal preference.
As Funeographer's we are asked to take last pictures of a loved one, and one of the things I like about caskets is that they're padded well and the cushion lifts the top half of the person, allowing for better composition.

Website: www.caskets.co.uk

Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

Carlton Carriages hire out a beautiful carriage and horses for weddings and funerals. The horses were so well behaved and it was a really long day for them.

Website:   www.horsesandcarriages.co.uk

Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

Funeral Map are a new company launching in August 2011. They provide a directory of all companies and organisations within the funeral industry. This is a great idea because it gives control to families who want to personalize a funeral and have more choice. Funeography will certainly be in their directory.

Website: www.funeralmap.co.uk


Greenfield Creations provide fantastic biodegradable cardboard coffins that take up to 23 stone. The designs can be personalized and the prices are excellent. I remember thinking that money was no object where our mum's funeral was concerned but when you start to see the cost rising, worry then starts to take over. Lower cost does not mean poorer quality.
    
Website:  www.greenfieldcreationscoffins.co.uk

Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

Here are some examples of the beautiful memorials the carpenters at the woodland burial parks create.

Website: www.woodlandburialparks.co.uk

Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

Cemetery open days are happening again. It's an excellent way to bring life and death together. There are lots of choices available now and I don't think we need to be experiencing a death of a loved one to look into them. So many times we get caught out by a death that we don't have time to think or prepare for what we think they would have wanted. This vulnerability can sometimes cause us to choose things that are not quite right. We go out and carefully window shop for clothes, looking at styles, textures and colours and always wanting value for money and quality. It's time we did the same for funerals.
Cemetery open days are a wonderfully valuable thing, go along to them when they are advertised in your area or part of the world they are really helpful and important.

Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

Priscilla Etienne photographed by Ken Kamara©

 I'd like to finish by thanking Fran Hall manager of the Chiltern Woodland Burial Park and also her colleagues Peter Taylor and Angie Whitaker.



I dedicate this blog to my wonderfully talented former neighbour, who worked most of his life with wood and carpentry... Bill Eames 

FUNEOGRAPHY & VISUALS

Firstly,  I'm very pleased to announce that we'll be at the London Funeral Exhibition at Epping Woodland Burial Park on 9th and 10th of July. The new revised price for funeography as from May 2011 is £700.00.... Still a reasonable and affordable sum when compared to the cost of weddings. This information will be on our website soon.

The cross over between photography and the funeral industry is far apart but at the same time they fit so nicely together. I read an article recently written by Kate Day (The Telegraph) and I was astonished at what Christian Payne had to say about Funeral photography. That's the last time anyone is going to hear me say that. I feel the word Funeography is more fitting. He had some really interesting and valid points to raise, until he got to the part where he said that all funerals should be free, including photography. I wonder if he has other means of making money with his photography? I have chosen to specialize with Funeography only and I have for one have no feelings of guilt in earning a living from it. Christian also said he is waiting for the world to get used to the idea of photography. Why wait? If  Funeography isn't shown to the world people won't have the opportunity to get used to again. I'm not denying that it will take time. It's taken well established and successful funeral directors many years to earn the trust and confidence of their communities and to perfect their craft.  

I have been asked a few times now if I have permission from families to display some of the images in our archives for promotional purposes. The answer to that is: the terms and conditions clients sign when they book us states the promotional side of things, we also explain this to our clients. More importantly though; As a Funeography company how are we supposed to show the kind of work that we do and allow clients to see what they're paying for unless we display some of it? Our work ethic is always to respect the client. On looking at our website the natural documentary method of our work shows the innovative way we approach Funeography.
Another question we are asked is packages. What kind of packages do we have? Based on my past experiences with organizing funerals and also what I've seen when clients are booking us, is mass indecision.
Understandably there are different options to choose when dealing with the funeral directors, and these can sometimes be too much to deal with. Once this part is done and clients decide they want Funeography for the occasion, Do they really need packages? I find that packages when offered can sometimes sound reasonable and once it's explained in detail the cost can creep up. I find that grief is confusing and difficult enough to try and handle without the added stress of which package to chose where images are concerned, especially if clients have never had the service before. We do offer a eulogy reading and writing service though.

To suggest that this service should be free is a disservice to all Funeographers out there, aspiring or established. I think it also detracts from the importance of documenting this type of occasion.


I dedicate this blog to the first person whose funeral I covered, the wonderful and warm Lena Lloyd.

Dispelling The Fear Of Funeography®

                                                         Priscilla Etienne Funeography©                          


Two cousins from a close family, at a celebration.........a celebration of someones life, their nan's.
She was also a dear friend to me. I wasn't commissioned to cover the funeral, but our services were offered. Being a funeographer though, I was compelled to bring my camera as I have done many times before as a mourner. I couldn't contain my desire to take funeographs (funeral photographs) any longer. Having missed some beautiful and memorable moments, particularly the great granddaughter standing next to her nan's open coffin. She was about 3 years old and was leaning against the coffin drinking from her bottle and twisting the lace gently with her fingers; completely unperturbed by being in the presence of her nan. It warmed my heart incredibly and strengthened my beliefs on the importance of including children with funerals and conditioning them to have no fear around death. It was at the wake the family started to realize the importance of having a funeographer.

So..... for this blog I have decided on shameless self promotion.                                                              
I'm happy and thankful to say that nearly all of the feedback  have had for the concept and reasons for creating funeography in the format I have chosen, has been positive. There are some photographers who have expressed their opinion with the earning potential and some have said it's morbid and will never catch on. I believe it will catch on and will be a great success because it is far too valuable, important, and precious not to. Courage to use funeography is pushing it's way to the front of the queue. Just like it did when I embarked on the wonderful task of putting the funeography portfolio book together and then the company.

Funeography is for everyone, regardless of class, culture, gender and age. It does appeal to some cultures more than others. Some cultures forbid any type of documentation of a funeral but the younger generation within these cultures have different attitudes to funeography. More and more people across the board want to have such a memory and there is no reason why this shouldn't happen.
There is nothing wrong with photographing funerals, it's a beautiful way of capturing some emotion and laughter from the day, and there is always laughter after the tears. Unlike a wedding, the images are real and unrehearsed or planned.
Before anything else, passion for my work and the feel of funerals drives me. The response and joy from the families we have worked for sustains me.
Funeography also creates opportunities for new creative, talented photographers to delve into the world of funeography and experience this kind of work.

Once the decision to look at funeography and commission us is made, it's the start of a wonderful legacy.


I dedicate this blog to the wonderful, much loved and missed Violet Lynch.


 






                                                        

More Time To Grieve

We were recently commissioned to photograph the funeral of a well known and well loved person in the local area. While visiting the family prior to the funeral, another visitor mentioned how difficult it is to organize a funeral in a week. He suggested that two weeks would be more reasonable.
It got me thinking of the initial grieving period. You take in the news of the death, then you have to absorb it and think about what changes it's going to bring with it. How can this be possible when you have to make the arrangements as well as have the time and space to grieve?

It can feel like there is a hurry to get on and complete the process. I'm wondering if there is a possibility for changes in the future? I think it would be really good for families, although I don't know how the funeral directors would feel about it. What we pay for funerals and ensuring those we love get the send off they deserve, surely should have some bearing on how much time we need to grieve and prepare.

I dedicate this blog to Stanley Wise (Senior).

When The Funeral Is Over

                                                        Priscilla Etienne Funeography©

I recently took part in a Sunday morning Radio London phone in with Jeni Barnett. Her sister in law had just died and she wanted to talk about the grieving process. The show was about grief, death and dying and how we cope with it.
There were some excellent points raised among the people that phoned in and some talked about the circumstances relating to the deaths of friends or family. One of the things that interested me the most was what happens after the funeral. The days leading up to it are the busiest, there's lots to plan and visitors come in abundance. There's barely time to be alone with your thoughts such is the level of support that tends to arrive at the door. Then the day of the funeral arrives, there's thoughts of how we're going to feel when we start seeing mourners arrive. Some we may not have seen for so long and feelings of nervousness start to set in. Once most of the mourners coming to the house have arrived, the wait for the hearse or carriage gets really intense. The first glimpse of it making it's way towards the house carries with it a sinking feeling.

When the funeral is over, that's when you feel you're on your own. Everything is quiet and the days tears, laughter, and chat seem to resonate in your mind. May be then we should have the 9 day wake.

I'd like to say a big thank you to Jeni Barnett she gave me the opportunity to talk about the benefits that Funeography brings to so many people and was fascinated with the concept. 

It's said that hearing is the last sense to go when we die. I can still hear the events of my mothers funeral after 15 years.

I dedicate this blog to the very vocal, far from quiet Ethel Woods.

Funeral Protocol - Who Sets The Rules?

I attended the funeral of an elderly lady yesterday, she was to celebrate her 90th birthday this month. She was the nan of a dear friend. At the funeral there were five generations of her family. I was sitting next to one of her great grandsons. On the top of her coffin was a photo of her with her husband, he had died some years before. Her great grandson turned to me and said: "Just think, all the people in this room came from them, it's amazing isn't it"? I had to agree it was, until you see the generations together you can take family connections for granted.
Her name is Millie and as the priest said she lived a long and full life. She was also a huge fan of Cliff Richard and so, for the first time in my life I was forced to endure listening to him but somehow on this occasion, it didn't feel like torture. I can't remember which Cliff song she had played but I've found a really lovely one for this posting.

When it was time to leave the chapel for the burial another Cliff song was played. The priest left everyone to their usual quiet thoughts while it was playing... except it wasn't quiet. People began to talk among themselves everyone sharing their funny stories and discussing things, laughter began to break out in different rows. It was then that I realised that Millie and her husband not only created these people but she encouraged the vibrancy and freedom they all felt with the presence of her coffin.
It was a wonderful atmosphere, although when the funeral directors came in to take her for the burial they were clearly surprised . There were one or two tears as the family followed Millie out of the chapel but the upbeat mood among the majority continued all the way to the graveside.

The wake was lively too,with a young relative singing with an acoustic guitar. The second song she sung was written for Millie. She got rapturous applause and encouragement from her family, another granddaughter even shouted: "You've got the x factor"!
I came home feeling completely inspired and happy It's nice to see that not everyone feels they need to stick to protocol. These type of funerals are definitely feeling natural to more and more people.

I dedicate this blog to someone who certainly did not conform to protocol, my dear Aunt Gotty John.

The Void At Christmas

The end of the year brings mixed emotion. A time when we think about our loved ones we have lost. It can be a sensitive time for many of us anyway, and the memories come flooding back. I most certainly get tearful and they are tears of heartache, regret, happiness; like I said, mixed emotion.
Christmas and new year is about spending some time with immediate as well as extended family. We're supposed to be together talking about good times and past experiences but when there are familiar faces missing we feel it.
It will be fifteen years this month that my mother died. The time moves on but the feelings I get sometimes still feel new. There's still so much I want to say to her and do with her. They say time is a great healer but I'm far from healed, although I have definitely got to the stage of acceptance and it took longer than I thought.
I can accept and come to terms with the fact that shes not here now but......... I don't have to like it.


I dedicate this new year blog to the person who motivated me to keep pushing on with Funeography and breaking down barriers.  My mother, Bernadine Etienne