Wasted Time

What a year!! it's been full on action packed, emotional, annoying, funny, frustrating.. It's been life.
It's coming up to the end of the year, and right near the end I have had four losses of wonderful human life. Four people that really knew how to live. I know many of us think we know how to do this, but it's not easy. Three of my losses are people who were in their 70's and 80's. Teresa Costello was my neighbour. She welcomed me with open arms and doors when I moved into her street six years ago. The wonderful Mr Reid (father of Mark), he fought until he couldn't fight no more. Victoria Gunn who was always so active and full of energy, she even started driving in her 60's.

The most recent being Dionne Lynch. I spoke to her a few weeks ago about her party she was planning in January and the points we were up to in our lives. That chat was long overdue and the next time I was seeing her was after christmas but before her party. When the news came through on that Sunday night that she had died, my first reaction was anger. I haven't felt like that around death in a long time but I knew that she still wanted to do so much more. I knew she wanted to see her daughter do so much more. I'm laughing a little to myself as I write this because I can almost hear her saying; 'What do you mean go.. Go where? I'm not ready to go anywhere yet'.

The amount of times I hear people say 'That's it, I'm going to live my life differently, grab every moment because you never know'. It's not long before they slip back into their old ways. I have always been annoyed by that to be honest, It's not that hard to make conscious changes and stick with at least some of them. At this time of year we all make decisions to get the perfect present for our friends and family, look at how much it will be, concentrate on getting the money, then buying it.
When can we begin to do this with our parts of our lives?
That was one of the things I liked about Dionne. She wouldn't just say, she would do. She was like that right to the end.
I have pure admiration for the strength that Dionne had despite being unwell. I'll miss her very much.
My love and thoughts are with the entire Lynch family.

I dedicate this blog to Teresa Costello, Mr Reid, and Victoria Gunn.
       

Nine Nights For Mr Reid

©Priscilla Etienne

Last Saturday me and my son Kross went to the home of a very dear, old friend. He is also the godfather of my son. His father recently died and we went to the last night of the Nine Nights. This is a very important part of the bereavement process for Carribean culture. It's practiced in Jamaica, Guyana and Dominica, with roots in African tradition. Friends and family gather at the home of the deceased and share prayers, hymns, memories, condolences, then eat and drink together.

In the past, this would be a more quiet and reserved evening, but this has changed in keeping with modern times. The Nine Nights celebration is a time to be joyful that the deceased is no longer suffering. 

Tradition states that the spirit of the deceased moves around the party on the ninth and final night gathering food and saying goodbye before moving on to the resting place. 

             This tradition appears to be fading out though. So when there are plans for Nine Nights to take place, I do make an effort to go. I think it's equally important for our children (younger generation) to experience it.

When I do go I'm instantly transported back to my childhood. There is always rum consumed, and with absolutely no mixers. It's the only time I get to spend time with Carribean elders and it's a real need for me. 

Later on this morning family, friends and the local community will be saying goodbye to the wonderful, unforgetable, Mr Reid. He leaves behind his devoted wife and vibrant children. 

Everyones love and support are with them. 

I dedicate this blog to Mr Reid. God bless him and always keep him.   

The Hallsville School Incident

"Lookout!  Here comes death". These are the words of Cyril Dermaine, a firemen from West Ham. Robert Baltrop, a porter who did look out duty on 10th September 1940, watched and listened to the German planes reverberate  across the Thames; coming through Rainham, Barking and Dagenham.
That day was to be known as Black Saturday.

Hallsville School in Agate road Canning Town, was supposed to be a secure shelter for many locals until the buses could get there to evacuate them. There were up to 600 people crammed into the basement, most were women and children. Three days and nights passed with no sign of the buses. A series of official mistakes meant that the buses were sent to Camden Town instead of Canning Town.
The school was hit by a parachute bomb on the fourth day. The building was split in two and fell into the basement. It left a 20ft crater and barely any survivors.

70 years later, there are still so many unanswered questions. There were warnings that the school was at risk of bombing. The home secretary at the time was Sir James Anderson. He was told about the extent of the bombing the next day. The prime minister Winston Churchill, was told by Anderson at a cabinet meeting but he wasn't informed about the death toll. It was recorded as low as 77.
Churchill went to see the ruins of the school the next day. Many of the 600 caught up in the bombing were buried alive as the 20ft crater was filled in. Those who were fortunate enough to survive were then left in a tragic position of losing some if not all of their family members.

I was recently asked to be admin for a new facebook group; Hallsville School Cover-Up 10th September 1940 aka Black Saturday.
The purpose of the group is to campaign to get a larger memorial acknowledging the larger number of victims who perished, perhaps with written letters of apology to the survivors, admitting the mistakes during those fatal three days.
Some may say the term 'Cover-up' is harsh, I thought it myself at first. The more you read the different accounts of witnesses though, and learn about the huge family loss, it becomes clear that no one gave the victims or survivors a good enough chance to protect themselves. Many were encouraged to leave the safety of their homes, where some had good brick bomb shelters. Why?
Survivors were not compensated and many were not able to get closure by giving their family members a proper burial. Why?

I wanted to post this today as today is Remembrance Day which marked the end of the First World War. The Hallsville School Incident was Britain's worst civilian tragedy of the Second World War. Many feel it could have been prevented, but everyone in the group wants to keep the incident at the forefront of as many as minds as possible.

I dedicate this blog to all the families who lost their lives because of wanting to save their lives.
May you all get the justice and respect you deserve.

Lessons In Life

©Priscilla Etienne 

I went to work at the Royal Docks School when it first opened in 1999. There were some teachers from the old Woodside school there along with many new.

My role was as Student Support Worker (now called Teaching Assistants).

I was lucky enough to be assigned to Craig Fosters' class, an eager bunch of year seven students. 

Every school has one or two exceptional teachers, willing to go beyond their roles and reach out to the students they work with. Craig was one among these type of teachers. It was always clear to me that he worked for the students and not just with them. He had a really great relationship with his class but maintained the boundaries that had to be in place. I laughed every day I was with him. 

     When I began to feel unwell Craig was genuinely concerned for me. I fell asleep in the staff room a few times and he came to find me for lessons. As this was all unusual circumstances for me, I knew I had to seek medical advice. 

Craig insisted that I should visit the Dr too. After a few days I found out that I was pregnant with my son Kross. I went back to work and found him teaching another class. He came outside the classroom and as his class could see us both through the glass panels, they were confused as to why he cuddled me and lifted me off my feet. He was the first member of teaching staff I told. 

I was really saddened to hear of his death. It is such a great loss. There was no question that I wanted to be at his funeral to pay my last respects to him. I arrived at the crematorium and was met by Woodside students, now grown men and women, and students from the school he recently taught at.

There were too many people present to get into the chapel, so well over 100 of us were standing outside listening to the service on loudspeakers. 

      The tributes by his son and daughter were really touching and funny but the one that moved me to tears the most was the one that Craig had prepared  himself. It was read out at the service and felt like he was there reading it. He spoke of his love for his son whom he described as his best friend, and his daughter whom he called his angel. His wife Melanie was reminded of how much he loved her and he said that she is the one whom he loved more than anything else in this world. It was a beautiful part of the service. 

I am really glad I was there as a final farewell to a brilliant teacher and an equally brilliant man, who was only ever kind, thoughtful and funny. He will truly be missed by so many.

I dedicate this blog to the one and only Mr Craig Foster.

   

Restorative Justice

©Priscilla Etienne 

Last week the Evening Standard ran an interview with Neville Lawrence who is calling for automatic prison sentences for carrying a knife; on top of that I recently watched a documentary with Brooke Kinsella discussing restorative justice.
      The documentary featured Brooke talking to families of victims and their views on restorative justice; which is bringing people harmed by crime or conflict, and those responsible for the harm together, to talk and find a way of moving forward. She wanted to know if it helps rebuild their lives after crime or conflict One woman sat opposite a young man who verbally abused her. It began quite heated, then calmed fairly quickly with the help of mediation. It ended with the young man apologising for his actions. There was a woman whose brother was brutally beaten while he was walking one evening at a seaside resort. She chose to meet her brothers killer.
Brooke stated that she was not ready to meet her brother's killers but had a deep admiration and respect for the woman who did.

The government has spent 7 million in a 7 year research programme into restorative justice. Statistics say that 85% of victims that took part were satisfied with the process. I must admit, it makes me wonder if these figures are exaggerated. When I interviewed parents of victims to homicide for a personal project, 1 out of 10 said they had met with their  child's killer. Lots of people I have spoken to were very unsure if they could be involved with restorative justice, and many more clear that they would not.
I do not doubt that some offenders who get that chance to apologise for their actions and possibly explain their behaviour will not re-offend, and this is definitely a positive step forward. However, there are still areas that I feel need consideration and money.
The first being the cost of a funeral. When a family is unexpectedly faced with funeral costs, who is going to help them pay? I think that some money should be available to pay towards it. I know families who are still paying for funerals, years later. The second area which needs attention is the courtroom. Why do families of the victim and the offenders have to sit so close together? There should be areas built within the court, where comments and heckling can't be directed so closely at victims families and vice versa. These points are really important and they are areas which should be addressed first.


The Ben Kinsella Exhibition leaves Millwall this end of school year 2014. Here is the link to find out more.

http://www.benkinsella.org.uk/

 I interviewed my 10 year-old nephew who went to see the exhibition.

"I went with my class, there were 24 of us. The first thing I noticed was the educational film. They were showing clips of the cast of Coronation Street talking about knife crime. They showed the CCTV film of Ben walking down the road after he was stabbed. This bit made me feel quite sad, most of the girls were emotional.
It's a useful thing to go and see. I think it would stop young people from getting into trouble."

I dedicate this blog to Ben Kinsella.

See you at the next posting

A Mass Bereavement

It's been almost three months since the disappearance of the Malaysian Aircraft flight MH370, there has been speculation as to whether it is a tragic, unexplained accident, an act of terrorism, or more recently a political protest.

       My thoughts are with the families in complete despair and turmoil. They will be feeling helpless for having to wait for news. Powerless because they cannot force anyones hand to deliver answers. They have many questions but feel frustrated by the answers they are given. The families have been protesting to make it clear they will not go away quietly and continue to wait for fragmented news.
  

©Funeography

Flight distance 2870.5 Miles away, there are more families mourning the South Korean ferry disaster.
There has been some recoveries for funerals to take place.
With this latest tragedy involving so many children, it will bring fear into parents all over the world. We are approaching the time of year when school trips are being organised and we are expected to give our blessing and wave our children off; to what should be an adventure, a learning opportunity, and even to help our children on the important road to independance.

Then why is it that organisers, schools, government officials begin to fall increasingly silent when we want answers. When all those adults and children aboard the plane and the ferry screamed so loudly for their lives?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2611159/Haunting-images-memorial-victims-South-Korea-ferry-disaster-photographs-left-loved-ones-identified.html#v-3499259469001

I dedicate this blog to my grandmother Ma Rose John (Nee Bonaparte). She waved some of her children off as they left for England many years ago.

See you at the next posting.

A Kind Act

©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

Last week I was at the funeral of an old neighbour who was everyones friend. The day went really well and people came from all over to pay their respects. I know the family were really touched by this, and I think that if he hadn't touched so many lives as well; as his family has, it would have been a smaller affair.

Among the mourners were three brothers who have just lost their dad, they haven't had his funeral yet, it's tomorrow. I approached them all, expressed my sympathies and told them I would be there for their dads funeral. Looking at them I got to thinking how difficult it must have been for them to be at this one. Grief can completely dominate our thoughts and actions, a lot of the time it renders us unable to  do very much it all. It takes an extreme amount of strength to watch such emotional proceedings at such a difficult time. 

There was a time in the past when many people did this. You'd bury your husband on Tuesday and be ready to support the next families' funeral on Thursday. These were times when communities were strong and strength of character even stronger. 

One of the brothers regularly turns up to support his friends at funerals. I have seen him at so many.

The night before the funeral is the longest and most tiring. My thoughts are with the Newhouse Family and I hope they find the same amazing strength they have so often shown to others in their time of grief. 

I dedicate this blog to John Newhouse. Rest In Peace.

See you at the next posting.