A Different Grief

Silver - 19 July 2013  ©Priscilla Etienne

It's been a really topsy turvy week emotionally.

For many years I have worked with bereaved families and coped with personal bereavement. Many people I have lost over the years have not only made an impact on my life but left big voids along the way. The biggest gap I will never be able to fill is the loss of my mother. I couldn't have prepared myself for the unplanned loss of my cat Silver. He would have been 18 years old this September and was an extremely well behaved, well trained, Maine Coon. He was older than my son, so to me he was most definitely my boy. I had wanted to put him to sleep 6 months ago (when this picture was taken) because he had got to a point of approaching deafness and even showing signs of senility but he most certainly did not look his age. The decision to put him to sleep was forced upon me when he was attacked by a fox, he suffered but with strength and dignity. I was with him all through his pain and as he slipped into unconsciousness I had to leave him as I couldn't bear to see his breathing getting slower. I left the vets room in floods of tears. The reaction of the people in the waiting area with their animals was of genuine sadness for me.

I took a leaflet from the vet as I was determined to have him cremated and home with me. The pet crematorium is Sunnyfields, they are based in Braintree Essex. When I called to make the arrangements and heard the reassuring, calm voice of John I felt instantly supported. I even smiled to myself, as I heard the same manner I use when I work with bereaved families. If only they knew what I do; I thought. The pricing system was explained to me quickly and clearly, then a deposit was taken over the phone with the balance payable when Silver was being brought home. The total cost was £95.00. 

When he was brought home, John carried him in a cat basket lined with a deep green velvet material. The tribute folder containing beautiful poems from Silver to me, then from my son to him, then from Silver to both of us, rested in the basket too. The whole thing was really touching and tastefully done without being over the top. 

My daily tweets about this grieving experience can be seen @Funeography #DifferentGrief

Thank you John and Paula and team at Sunnyfields, you did a fantastic job.

The website for Sunnyfields is: www.sunnyfieldspetcrematorium.com

Naturally I dedicate this blog to our beloved Silver. Missing you terribly but still have you with us always. 

See you at the next posting.

                                                      

Funeography, Like It Or Not.

                                         Copyright Priscilla Etienne Funeography

We're coming into a time of competition. Many in the death industry want the opportunity to show why they should be chosen to cover a funeral in whatever their chosen field is. I have even fallen victim to a photographer who wanted to be part of Funeography and what it stands for, the trouble is he wanted to do it without paying for the privilege.

I'm continuously working to ensure that the style of Funeography speaks for itself. I don't believe bells and whistles are always necessary. I have always preferred simplicity within my work, coupled with capturing the moment, as it happens but very importantly: in it's real state. With very little added and very little taken away. Funeography is still unique in it's style. Funeography is now offering a licensing package for photographers The new website is available to view at www.funeography.com

I have requests to do what I call a mutual promotion. I mention someone else's service within the industry, and they mention Funeography. I'm humbled that the company "A Giving Tribute" has recently asked me, and that they like the way Funeography captures the many different moods of funerals.

So now I can explain a little about them. A Giving Tribute provides families with much needed and precious memories at the pinnacle point of grief, the funeral. The last chance to express all emotions in any way families wish to. With the help of the, warm, caring and consistent team, the days leading up to the funeral are given just as much consideration. They provide Tribute Cards, a Commemorative Memory Book, A Tribleau (a display board) which contains Tribute Cards. 

It's a beautiful service and when I first viewed the website I got a pleasant feeling without being bombarded with things to look at. It is very easy on the eye. But more importantly, the people behind it is what makes it work. The website is www.agivingtribute.com

This blog is dedicated to Mrs Bradley, who had very strong views and very strong morals... Like it or not.

See you at the next posting.

Close To Home

While I was waiting in the queue at the Woolwich ferry, I got that butterfly feeling. The same feeling I get on my way to a funeral. I know what to do, where to go, and how to achieve the best results. It's  really cloudy although I like the weather this way, richer images. My I-pad is with me because I feel like I should use my adaptor more. I can take pictures and transfer them onto I-pad, then slightly edit them. I've begun writing this blog on the way home.

I stood at the main road crossing to take in the silent flowers, standing still, barely moving in the breeze.

People were coming towards me the whole time, but very quietly. The mood is still very solemn. When you first arrive there and see all the British and  St George flags it looks like people waiting for the queen to visit the area. I wondered about why the soldiers didn't see or hear much but the high walls seen behind the green gates show that the spot was secluded from their view.

The width of the pavement is getting smaller because everyone is determined to leave their tributes.

              

Reading the tributes would probably take about four hours. Some of the people reading them were there before I arrived and were still there when I was leaving. I've definately noticed a surge in young people openly expressing their grief and taking an active role in whats going on around them.

This just emphasis what I have always believed.. grief and funerals should always involve children and young people. Particularly if they want to be part of it.

Woolwich was one of my childhood playgrounds and it was always a laugh crossing the ferry or riding bikes through the foot tunnel. I'm proud that the area is an important part of my childhood and at times like these to see the community pull together as one..... I'm proud to be British.

I dedicate this blog to Drummer Lee Rigby and to all our deeply respected, deeply honoured and deeply loved fallen soldiers.     

See you at the next posting.

Stephen Lawrence - The First Of Many

Adam Regis - 17.03.2007
©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

One week ago marked twenty years since the murder of Stephen Lawrence. for me, it was the first murder of this kind involving a young person to hit the headlines. To hit me hard enough that it prompted me to do a racism workshop within my youth club at the time (The Youth House) in East London.
I remember the widespread sadness most parents felt and the overwhelming urge to protect their children.
Who would have thought in the years to follow, we would be protecting our young people from themselves. Since then I have described the frequent, tragic murders of young people as genocide. Which will eventually culminate in a complete loss of a generation.

Michael Simon Wright - 19.02.2009
©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

The racism workshop I did with a group of young people involved taking them to the Stephen Lawrence enquiry, a bold move for youth work at the time. The fuelled and highly emotional atmosphere stirred a wealth of reaction from the group. They were scared, surprised and angry. Some of the words they used to describe the experience.
Many years later I was to revisit the same subject at university with two colleagues Andre Laing and Ken Kamara, but this time the reasons were mixed.
The three months we spent listening to the events leading up to the deaths of their children were difficult to hear but we were more focused on their well being during the whole project. We were grateful they spoke to us and built a good level of trust with us. When we were not discussing how to work with what they gave us, we were crying together. Every waking moment became about them. This is how we came up with the title for the project "Them"

Terry Booker - 14.11.2000
©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

Kiyan Prince - 18.05.2006
©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

Robert Levy - 16.09.2004
©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

Stephen Lewis 24.01.2009
©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

I have watched the tireless fight by Doreen and Neville Lawrence in the quest of justice for Stephen and the fight is still continuing, just as it is for the parents and families of the young people I have mentioned.  I can only hope that Doreen and Nevilles  long journey will come to an end with the full results they seek.
As it was then and as it is now, my utmost respect and empathy is with them and their family.

I dedicate this blog to Stephen Lawrence.


See you at the next posting.

Everyone Deserves Empathy

©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

Since Margaret Thatchers death, there's been plenty of comments about the damage she did to the country, along with the strength, courage, and determination she had. Ruling with an iron fist.

As a strong, courageous and determined woman I have been at the negative end of comments about my work, about the brand I have devised. I honestly can,t see why some people are so against it. It could be because of the fear of what others may say, in fact I would most certainly say it is. Fear coupled with the unknown. I always explain to my clients, that fear is quickly replaced by relief and pleasure that the decision to cover the funeral was made.
The thing is you can't please everyone. When you believe that something is right and could work, you have to go with it. It's one thing running a tight ship with family life but quite another in a male dominated profession.

I don't necessarily agree with the changes that Baroness Thatcher implemented but whatever she decided; she has a family who loved her, she has children who she raised to the best of her ability, and with love.
We should think about them, whatever their ages, it's still their mum. Their pain is no different to mine without my mum.
They will struggle at christmas, birthdays, mother's day, just as I do along with so many others. In this circumstance, respect where it is due.


Baroness Thatcher may you rest in peace.

See you at the next posting.

Gun & Knife Crime At The BAFTA's

I accepted the invitation to the private screening at the BAFTA's a week ago. It was a Sunday so that was a good reason as any to catch a movie. As a real film buff I was looking forward to being there.
Having previously created a gun and knife crime project with two colleagues while at university, it is subject matter I feel very strongly about. I guess my Youth Work/Manager background also has a hand in this.

It's a short film, about 50 minutes long. Most of the cast are young people who had been involved with gang culture but new to acting.The story is based on Fredi Nwaka's own true story. He went on to become an actor and is involved with C.R.I.M.E - Creating  Role Models In Media Enterprise.

The term for a parent who loses a child is called 'Vilomah' which means against a natural order. I hope there is a swift solution found to protect young people and allow their parents to enjoy more years with them and their children.

I dedicate this blog to some well loved people who died before their parents of various causes.

Mervyn Webber, Smarty Cain, Georgie Small, Sharon Small, Billy Thompson, Billy Wise, Dawn Jones, Matthew Fitter,  Lawrence Bannis (my cousin), Stephen Giles, Lisa Giles, Bradley Allen, Tony Lloyd, Georgie Davis, Danny O'Shea, Justin Nelson, Roger Hilton, Brian Brazier, Johnny Lander, Robert Narti, Billy Gill, Micky Bruce, Alfie Turner, David Carvell, Billy Dyer, Kenny Stone, Timmy Sorhaindho.

See you at the next posting.

First Colour Funeral... It Had To Be Brighton

I got the call from my brother a week before the funeral. Could I come to Brighton to cover his friends funeral? I don't travel outside London so much now, I put together the Funeography Licensing to encourage photographers to cover different places. I accepted because my brother asked and also because I love getting back to Brighton when I can.

The train journey is always a pleasure. I was instructed to look out for a friend at Brighton station. I'd already been told that there was a colour and feather theme for this funeral. Ten minutes waiting and I spotted her with a huge feather placed in her pony- tailed hair. 

We drove to the lower part of the pier where the annual bikers gather. A sea of colour began to descend.

This funeral was very much about friendship and a real reflection of who the man was. There was a photographer there from the local paper. The Argus sent a photographer.
I took all the images I needed while we waited for the procession to arrive. It came down the road to the theme tune from the 1982 TV series Knight Rider. This brought rapturous applause and cheers.

©Priscilla Etienne Funeography®

The service at the chapel continued the same up beat mood. Of course there were many tears, but the laughter, singing, and dancing during the service kept a joyous feel to it all.

I'm pretty excited having done my first all colour Funeography Book. What wonderful funeographs to add to the archives.

See you at the next posting.

I dedicate this blog to the equally colourful and vibrant.... Lilian Uuk