Dear Samantha Dear,

©Priscilla Etienne

Dear Sam,

A few weeks ago, I was at your funeral. As I approached the chapel, I could see lots of familiar faces. Some waved at me, some didn't recognise me but that's probably because my hairs long now. I can almost see the look of surprise on your face at how different I look, the same look almost everyone was giving me.
Me and Roger went together and we got there the same time as you did. Just as you likely held up traffic when teaching people to drive, you did the same that day. At one point I felt like I was back at Freemasons Road as I chatted to Joanne and Billy Jobson, who I haven't seen for many years.
               I expected to stand outside the chapel for the service because I knew inside it would definitely be standing room only. I went inside and took my place against the wall at the side of the chapel. I couldn't take my eyes off your son Sean the whole time, except when I looked at your coffin and smiled at the learner and new driver signs that were on there. I was roughly the same age as him when my mum died. I started to think about the many different feelings associated with grief that Sean has ahead of him. I wonder how his life will turn out now, how much this will change him as a person. I was certainly changed.
As Bette Midlers 'Wind Beneath My Wings' played, a ladybird came and landed on the back of the man who was seated in front of Jim's sister Kim. She turned and looked around to see if anyone else had noticed it, she saw that I did. As she reached out to it, it opened it's wings and flew up to the ceiling then flew off. Right at the point of the song that says "Fly, fly, fly away, you let me fly so high that I can almost touch the sky". The timing couldn't have been more perfect. It felt as though it was you being released and free to go.

I wanted to be there to pay my last respects to you Sam, I always liked you, I found you to be discreetly popular. I also wanted to be there for your son Sean because I know he will get great comfort and a sense of pride seeing people come from all over to support him and show how much you were cared for and loved. I know you will be desperately missed.


God bless you Sam

Love Cilla



I dedicate this blog to Sean Dear who is often in my thoughts.

Brown Bread

©Priscilla Etienne Funeography®

Frank Bruno appeared on Good Morning Britain  and commented on whether he would have liked to fight Ali, when he was interviewed by Piers Morgan, upon his death by saying; "The mans brown bread, I would prefer to talk about his achievements if you don't mind Piers". Simple terms for a simple man, with some simple values. In years gone by, death was a more solemn affair. We stood outside the family home in silence, no eating or smoking, waiting for the funeral procession to leave.
When we arrived outside the church or chapel, there was also an appropriate silence. Where are we now? The priest has to ask for doors to be shut so he can be heard over the laughing and talking outside. Yes, I said laughing, I've witnessed this many times. 

We are faced with so much death and destruction at the moment. Yes, I know people die every day and many innocent lives are being lost in wars and conflict all over the world. What we have now is an eerie matter-of-fact attitude beginning to emerge. Every time we turn on the television, it seems as though we're turning it on to see who's died, before we concentrate on other news.

            Over many years of capturing all different types of funerals, I have seen on a number of occasions that children have not been privy to family funerals, because parents want to cushion the effect grief can have on them.

We live in times where there is an increase of disease, tragedy, conflict and violence, which is taking life. Surely now would be an appropriate time to have the conversation of death and dying with your children. All newspapers, news channels, radio and internet media are constantly reporting on death. Since our children wander in and out of rooms at home, hear the radio indoors or in the car and glance at newspapers and passing billboards, it's impossible to disguise.

Let's bring the importance of human life back into the arena and re-teach eachother how precious it is. The more we become hardened to death the more we will devalue life. I do feel that is part of the problem with young people, who presently suffer enormous loss of life through violence. Something that so many of us have had to endure. Lets bring it back, bring back respect, dignity and morals.
These things have been missing for a very long time.