Dear Samantha Dear,

©Priscilla Etienne

Dear Sam,

A few weeks ago, I was at your funeral. As I approached the chapel, I could see lots of familiar faces. Some waved at me, some didn't recognise me but that's probably because my hairs long now. I can almost see the look of surprise on your face at how different I look, the same look almost everyone was giving me.
Me and Roger went together and we got there the same time as you did. Just as you likely held up traffic when teaching people to drive, you did the same that day. At one point I felt like I was back at Freemasons Road as I chatted to Joanne and Billy Jobson, who I haven't seen for many years.
               I expected to stand outside the chapel for the service because I knew inside it would definitely be standing room only. I went inside and took my place against the wall at the side of the chapel. I couldn't take my eyes off your son Sean the whole time, except when I looked at your coffin and smiled at the learner and new driver signs that were on there. I was roughly the same age as him when my mum died. I started to think about the many different feelings associated with grief that Sean has ahead of him. I wonder how his life will turn out now, how much this will change him as a person. I was certainly changed.
As Bette Midlers 'Wind Beneath My Wings' played, a ladybird came and landed on the back of the man who was seated in front of Jim's sister Kim. She turned and looked around to see if anyone else had noticed it, she saw that I did. As she reached out to it, it opened it's wings and flew up to the ceiling then flew off. Right at the point of the song that says "Fly, fly, fly away, you let me fly so high that I can almost touch the sky". The timing couldn't have been more perfect. It felt as though it was you being released and free to go.

I wanted to be there to pay my last respects to you Sam, I always liked you, I found you to be discreetly popular. I also wanted to be there for your son Sean because I know he will get great comfort and a sense of pride seeing people come from all over to support him and show how much you were cared for and loved. I know you will be desperately missed.


God bless you Sam

Love Cilla



I dedicate this blog to Sean Dear who is often in my thoughts.