Vilomah

I first had a strong insight into the life changing experience of losing a child, becoming (vilomah), when I was at university three years ago. The term Vilomah is what I prefer to use when a parent loses a child. It's an Indian term and means 'Against the natural order'.

 Since then I have taken pictures of the floral tributes left outside the late Danny O'Shea's house with permission from his mother Julie, although I had to ask another photographer to leave while I was there. He had set up a large tripod directly in front of the house. I didn't like it and I made it quite clear to him that he would need to leave as quickly as he came. When I see myself writing 'the late Danny O'Shea', I feel as if I should be talking about someone much older. He was too young to be 'late'. 

In the news last week Doreen Lawrence was given the title of Baroness and with it given a voice in parliament. All the ridicule and criticism she has suffered because of getting the title will run off her back, like water off a duck. Why? because all that she has done is for her son. For her child, the child that should still be here. 

I was at a funeral today. It was the funeral of a two-year-old boy who tragically lost his life in an accident at home. 

    We were gathering outside the family home waiting for the funeral directors to place the child in the car. There was silence, not the usual chatter you'd here. The mother took some time time to leave, understandably holding on to her final moments with the father. The funeral directors were really patient in giving the parents more time and they handled the whole day with natural empathy. I haven't seen that among funeral directors for some time. The funeral directors are Stibbard & Sons based in Hadleigh Essex.

There were some of his favourite childrens songs playing when we walked into the church, it surprised me but I'm not sure why. it's probably because I'm used to hearing music for an older child or an adult. All the family members that were set to do their eulogies did them with true grace. It's not an easy thing to do. The priest said something that struck a chord in me. He said that although he is not with us he does not cease to exist, and that he's more alive than we are. 

I feel emotionally drained from the intense emotions and strong displays of grief, but tonight I'll be thinking about the family and the first night of many; trying to cope with life without him.

I dedicate this blog to these children who left their parents behind.

Adam Regis, Robert Levy, Bobby Litambola, Tommy Harley, Terry Booker, Kiyan Prince, Sabeena Rizvi, Anton Hyman, Bakari Juda Davis.

See you at the next posting.