The Token Mourner

©Priscilla Etienne Funeography®

I'm on the last dvd of my Sopranos box set. In a previous episode Uncle Junior is going crazy being under house arrest, so he begins to use every opportunity to get permission to leave the house, by attending as many funerals as he can.

On the day of my mums funeral back in January 1996, I'd already attended so many funerals. When the funeral director arrived at the family home and saw me he smiled and said; 

'Here she is, the token mourner'. When I told him it was my mum he was clearly embarrassed but I understood why he said it. 

        To have attended 1-2 funerals every year since I was seventeen is an awful lot. Their frequency coupled with the importance to attend has become a foundation of my life. Quite honestly, I choose a funeral over a wedding every time. Yes, I enjoy them. Why? Because they are nearly always honest and sincere.  In eulogies, not only are a persons achievements remembered, but also their misgivings. They always keep me grounded and allow me to continuously evaluate my actions and my purpose in life. I don't make a decision to appreciate each day and make the most of life, then forget about it when I get home.
I can always see the importance in making an effort to attend a funeral as a mourner because the strength and comfort that comes from seeing family, friends, and familiar faces speaks volumes. It really helps to distract from the many silences we experience, along with deep thoughts and anxiety. 

I've become a familiar face now at many local funerals and hopefully a welcome one, and when it's my turn to die, I'm sure someone there will forget themselves for a second and say...... Where's Cilla????

I dedicate this blog to Lena Lloyd. I think of you often and you are still very much missed.