The Love of a Large Family

©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

On Wednesday the large family and even larger community got together to say a final farewell to Dorothy Howlett. To all that knew her well, Dolly. The family come from where I grew up and all of them were at school with me and my brothers and sisters. Taking this picture was emotionally overwhelming for me because I haven't seen them all together like this since I was a young girl. As soon as I was able to gather them together very briefly I took this opportunity. It was unexpected as the family had not commissioned Funeography but they kindly agreed to the picture.

One of the things that I have never seen before was an individual message from each of them inside the order of service booklet. I looked around the church and saw people crying as they were reading the messages. It was lovely to see Dolly's grand sons carry her into the horse drawn carriage, the tallest grandson kissing her coffin tenderly. Once we were inside the church, her sons carried her inside. I could see the clear pride on everyone's faces. 

Once back at the house I looked around, and in each room I could see the brothers and sisters coming in and out, with various friends behind them. I could hear laughter, arguments, singing, and even saw myself standing in the kitchen with Dolly's youngest daughter, in the days when we wore belts for skirts. It really was an open house with so much warmth the house practically glowed.

I would like to thank the Howlett family for opening their minds to the wonderful idea of a family portrait outside the beloved house they all once, and still do call home.

I dedicate this blog to Jim and Dorothy Howlett. Together again and watching over the wonderful legacy you both created. 

Thank You Richard Drew

Richard Drew (2001) The Falling Man

Richard Drew is a photographer for the Associated Press. On the 11th September 2001, it was the first day of fashion week and he was working in a studio. He was told about the world Trade Centre attacks by a colleague at the shoot and was then called by the office and told to abandon the shoot and head to the scene. He made his way toward West Street and when he got there he began taking pictures of the fire taking hold and the first scenes of devastation. Then a woman standing near to him said 'Look, look at those people'. Frightened for their lives and with no means of escape people made the no win decision of jumping from the windows of the building.

   That single image sparked a debate all over America and the world. Questions were being asked about why anyone would want to capture such a harrowing image, and who the man was. The debate spread and resulted in a documentary being made some years after the attacks. 

Of all the stories and interviews I listened to, this particular incident made me think about the scale of fear and confusion more than any other. I developed a great amount of respect and admiration for Richard Drew and I was thankful for the bravery he had to continue shooting and the respectful way he explained his reasons for taking the picture. 

I would have been compelled to continue shooting these images as well because my work is very much focused on human behaviour, emotion and reaction. 

It's alway better to see all sides of a situation even when it's difficult to accept. Photography isn't just about cute kittens and the prettiest bride on her wedding day. It's about moments in time, portraying a feeling without hearing sound and producing such a powerful, thought provoking image that it needs no explanation. 

For all these things........Thank you Richard Drew.

I dedicate this blog to all the men, women and children who lost their lives that day. May you rest in eternal peace.

Vilomah

I first had a strong insight into the life changing experience of losing a child, becoming (vilomah), when I was at university three years ago. The term Vilomah is what I prefer to use when a parent loses a child. It's an Indian term and means 'Against the natural order'.

 Since then I have taken pictures of the floral tributes left outside the late Danny O'Shea's house with permission from his mother Julie, although I had to ask another photographer to leave while I was there. He had set up a large tripod directly in front of the house. I didn't like it and I made it quite clear to him that he would need to leave as quickly as he came. When I see myself writing 'the late Danny O'Shea', I feel as if I should be talking about someone much older. He was too young to be 'late'. 

In the news last week Doreen Lawrence was given the title of Baroness and with it given a voice in parliament. All the ridicule and criticism she has suffered because of getting the title will run off her back, like water off a duck. Why? because all that she has done is for her son. For her child, the child that should still be here. 

I was at a funeral today. It was the funeral of a two-year-old boy who tragically lost his life in an accident at home. 

    We were gathering outside the family home waiting for the funeral directors to place the child in the car. There was silence, not the usual chatter you'd here. The mother took some time time to leave, understandably holding on to her final moments with the father. The funeral directors were really patient in giving the parents more time and they handled the whole day with natural empathy. I haven't seen that among funeral directors for some time. The funeral directors are Stibbard & Sons based in Hadleigh Essex.

There were some of his favourite childrens songs playing when we walked into the church, it surprised me but I'm not sure why. it's probably because I'm used to hearing music for an older child or an adult. All the family members that were set to do their eulogies did them with true grace. It's not an easy thing to do. The priest said something that struck a chord in me. He said that although he is not with us he does not cease to exist, and that he's more alive than we are. 

I feel emotionally drained from the intense emotions and strong displays of grief, but tonight I'll be thinking about the family and the first night of many; trying to cope with life without him.

I dedicate this blog to these children who left their parents behind.

Adam Regis, Robert Levy, Bobby Litambola, Tommy Harley, Terry Booker, Kiyan Prince, Sabeena Rizvi, Anton Hyman, Bakari Juda Davis.

See you at the next posting.  

   

A Different Grief

Silver - 19 July 2013  ©Priscilla Etienne

It's been a really topsy turvy week emotionally.

For many years I have worked with bereaved families and coped with personal bereavement. Many people I have lost over the years have not only made an impact on my life but left big voids along the way. The biggest gap I will never be able to fill is the loss of my mother. I couldn't have prepared myself for the unplanned loss of my cat Silver. He would have been 18 years old this September and was an extremely well behaved, well trained, Maine Coon. He was older than my son, so to me he was most definitely my boy. I had wanted to put him to sleep 6 months ago (when this picture was taken) because he had got to a point of approaching deafness and even showing signs of senility but he most certainly did not look his age. The decision to put him to sleep was forced upon me when he was attacked by a fox, he suffered but with strength and dignity. I was with him all through his pain and as he slipped into unconsciousness I had to leave him as I couldn't bear to see his breathing getting slower. I left the vets room in floods of tears. The reaction of the people in the waiting area with their animals was of genuine sadness for me.

I took a leaflet from the vet as I was determined to have him cremated and home with me. The pet crematorium is Sunnyfields, they are based in Braintree Essex. When I called to make the arrangements and heard the reassuring, calm voice of John I felt instantly supported. I even smiled to myself, as I heard the same manner I use when I work with bereaved families. If only they knew what I do; I thought. The pricing system was explained to me quickly and clearly, then a deposit was taken over the phone with the balance payable when Silver was being brought home. The total cost was £95.00. 

When he was brought home, John carried him in a cat basket lined with a deep green velvet material. The tribute folder containing beautiful poems from Silver to me, then from my son to him, then from Silver to both of us, rested in the basket too. The whole thing was really touching and tastefully done without being over the top. 

My daily tweets about this grieving experience can be seen @Funeography #DifferentGrief

Thank you John and Paula and team at Sunnyfields, you did a fantastic job.

The website for Sunnyfields is: www.sunnyfieldspetcrematorium.com

Naturally I dedicate this blog to our beloved Silver. Missing you terribly but still have you with us always. 

See you at the next posting.

                                                      

Funeography, Like It Or Not.

                                         Copyright Priscilla Etienne Funeography

We're coming into a time of competition. Many in the death industry want the opportunity to show why they should be chosen to cover a funeral in whatever their chosen field is. I have even fallen victim to a photographer who wanted to be part of Funeography and what it stands for, the trouble is he wanted to do it without paying for the privilege.

I'm continuously working to ensure that the style of Funeography speaks for itself. I don't believe bells and whistles are always necessary. I have always preferred simplicity within my work, coupled with capturing the moment, as it happens but very importantly: in it's real state. With very little added and very little taken away. Funeography is still unique in it's style. Funeography is now offering a licensing package for photographers The new website is available to view at www.funeography.com

I have requests to do what I call a mutual promotion. I mention someone else's service within the industry, and they mention Funeography. I'm humbled that the company "A Giving Tribute" has recently asked me, and that they like the way Funeography captures the many different moods of funerals.

So now I can explain a little about them. A Giving Tribute provides families with much needed and precious memories at the pinnacle point of grief, the funeral. The last chance to express all emotions in any way families wish to. With the help of the, warm, caring and consistent team, the days leading up to the funeral are given just as much consideration. They provide Tribute Cards, a Commemorative Memory Book, A Tribleau (a display board) which contains Tribute Cards. 

It's a beautiful service and when I first viewed the website I got a pleasant feeling without being bombarded with things to look at. It is very easy on the eye. But more importantly, the people behind it is what makes it work. The website is www.agivingtribute.com

This blog is dedicated to Mrs Bradley, who had very strong views and very strong morals... Like it or not.

See you at the next posting.

Close To Home

While I was waiting in the queue at the Woolwich ferry, I got that butterfly feeling. The same feeling I get on my way to a funeral. I know what to do, where to go, and how to achieve the best results. It's  really cloudy although I like the weather this way, richer images. My I-pad is with me because I feel like I should use my adaptor more. I can take pictures and transfer them onto I-pad, then slightly edit them. I've begun writing this blog on the way home.

I stood at the main road crossing to take in the silent flowers, standing still, barely moving in the breeze.

People were coming towards me the whole time, but very quietly. The mood is still very solemn. When you first arrive there and see all the British and  St George flags it looks like people waiting for the queen to visit the area. I wondered about why the soldiers didn't see or hear much but the high walls seen behind the green gates show that the spot was secluded from their view.

The width of the pavement is getting smaller because everyone is determined to leave their tributes.

              

Reading the tributes would probably take about four hours. Some of the people reading them were there before I arrived and were still there when I was leaving. I've definately noticed a surge in young people openly expressing their grief and taking an active role in whats going on around them.

This just emphasis what I have always believed.. grief and funerals should always involve children and young people. Particularly if they want to be part of it.

Woolwich was one of my childhood playgrounds and it was always a laugh crossing the ferry or riding bikes through the foot tunnel. I'm proud that the area is an important part of my childhood and at times like these to see the community pull together as one..... I'm proud to be British.

I dedicate this blog to Drummer Lee Rigby and to all our deeply respected, deeply honoured and deeply loved fallen soldiers.     

See you at the next posting.

Stephen Lawrence - The First Of Many

Adam Regis - 17.03.2007
©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

One week ago marked twenty years since the murder of Stephen Lawrence. for me, it was the first murder of this kind involving a young person to hit the headlines. To hit me hard enough that it prompted me to do a racism workshop within my youth club at the time (The Youth House) in East London.
I remember the widespread sadness most parents felt and the overwhelming urge to protect their children.
Who would have thought in the years to follow, we would be protecting our young people from themselves. Since then I have described the frequent, tragic murders of young people as genocide. Which will eventually culminate in a complete loss of a generation.

Michael Simon Wright - 19.02.2009
©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

The racism workshop I did with a group of young people involved taking them to the Stephen Lawrence enquiry, a bold move for youth work at the time. The fuelled and highly emotional atmosphere stirred a wealth of reaction from the group. They were scared, surprised and angry. Some of the words they used to describe the experience.
Many years later I was to revisit the same subject at university with two colleagues Andre Laing and Ken Kamara, but this time the reasons were mixed.
The three months we spent listening to the events leading up to the deaths of their children were difficult to hear but we were more focused on their well being during the whole project. We were grateful they spoke to us and built a good level of trust with us. When we were not discussing how to work with what they gave us, we were crying together. Every waking moment became about them. This is how we came up with the title for the project "Them"

Terry Booker - 14.11.2000
©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

Kiyan Prince - 18.05.2006
©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

Robert Levy - 16.09.2004
©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

Stephen Lewis 24.01.2009
©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

I have watched the tireless fight by Doreen and Neville Lawrence in the quest of justice for Stephen and the fight is still continuing, just as it is for the parents and families of the young people I have mentioned.  I can only hope that Doreen and Nevilles  long journey will come to an end with the full results they seek.
As it was then and as it is now, my utmost respect and empathy is with them and their family.

I dedicate this blog to Stephen Lawrence.


See you at the next posting.