Restorative Justice

©Priscilla Etienne 

Last week the Evening Standard ran an interview with Neville Lawrence who is calling for automatic prison sentences for carrying a knife; on top of that I recently watched a documentary with Brooke Kinsella discussing restorative justice.
      The documentary featured Brooke talking to families of victims and their views on restorative justice; which is bringing people harmed by crime or conflict, and those responsible for the harm together, to talk and find a way of moving forward. She wanted to know if it helps rebuild their lives after crime or conflict One woman sat opposite a young man who verbally abused her. It began quite heated, then calmed fairly quickly with the help of mediation. It ended with the young man apologising for his actions. There was a woman whose brother was brutally beaten while he was walking one evening at a seaside resort. She chose to meet her brothers killer.
Brooke stated that she was not ready to meet her brother's killers but had a deep admiration and respect for the woman who did.

The government has spent 7 million in a 7 year research programme into restorative justice. Statistics say that 85% of victims that took part were satisfied with the process. I must admit, it makes me wonder if these figures are exaggerated. When I interviewed parents of victims to homicide for a personal project, 1 out of 10 said they had met with their  child's killer. Lots of people I have spoken to were very unsure if they could be involved with restorative justice, and many more clear that they would not.
I do not doubt that some offenders who get that chance to apologise for their actions and possibly explain their behaviour will not re-offend, and this is definitely a positive step forward. However, there are still areas that I feel need consideration and money.
The first being the cost of a funeral. When a family is unexpectedly faced with funeral costs, who is going to help them pay? I think that some money should be available to pay towards it. I know families who are still paying for funerals, years later. The second area which needs attention is the courtroom. Why do families of the victim and the offenders have to sit so close together? There should be areas built within the court, where comments and heckling can't be directed so closely at victims families and vice versa. These points are really important and they are areas which should be addressed first.


The Ben Kinsella Exhibition leaves Millwall this end of school year 2014. Here is the link to find out more.

http://www.benkinsella.org.uk/

 I interviewed my 10 year-old nephew who went to see the exhibition.

"I went with my class, there were 24 of us. The first thing I noticed was the educational film. They were showing clips of the cast of Coronation Street talking about knife crime. They showed the CCTV film of Ben walking down the road after he was stabbed. This bit made me feel quite sad, most of the girls were emotional.
It's a useful thing to go and see. I think it would stop young people from getting into trouble."

I dedicate this blog to Ben Kinsella.

See you at the next posting

A Mass Bereavement

It's been almost three months since the disappearance of the Malaysian Aircraft flight MH370, there has been speculation as to whether it is a tragic, unexplained accident, an act of terrorism, or more recently a political protest.

       My thoughts are with the families in complete despair and turmoil. They will be feeling helpless for having to wait for news. Powerless because they cannot force anyones hand to deliver answers. They have many questions but feel frustrated by the answers they are given. The families have been protesting to make it clear they will not go away quietly and continue to wait for fragmented news.
  

©Funeography

Flight distance 2870.5 Miles away, there are more families mourning the South Korean ferry disaster.
There has been some recoveries for funerals to take place.
With this latest tragedy involving so many children, it will bring fear into parents all over the world. We are approaching the time of year when school trips are being organised and we are expected to give our blessing and wave our children off; to what should be an adventure, a learning opportunity, and even to help our children on the important road to independance.

Then why is it that organisers, schools, government officials begin to fall increasingly silent when we want answers. When all those adults and children aboard the plane and the ferry screamed so loudly for their lives?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2611159/Haunting-images-memorial-victims-South-Korea-ferry-disaster-photographs-left-loved-ones-identified.html#v-3499259469001

I dedicate this blog to my grandmother Ma Rose John (Nee Bonaparte). She waved some of her children off as they left for England many years ago.

See you at the next posting.

A Kind Act

©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

Last week I was at the funeral of an old neighbour who was everyones friend. The day went really well and people came from all over to pay their respects. I know the family were really touched by this, and I think that if he hadn't touched so many lives as well; as his family has, it would have been a smaller affair.

Among the mourners were three brothers who have just lost their dad, they haven't had his funeral yet, it's tomorrow. I approached them all, expressed my sympathies and told them I would be there for their dads funeral. Looking at them I got to thinking how difficult it must have been for them to be at this one. Grief can completely dominate our thoughts and actions, a lot of the time it renders us unable to  do very much it all. It takes an extreme amount of strength to watch such emotional proceedings at such a difficult time. 

There was a time in the past when many people did this. You'd bury your husband on Tuesday and be ready to support the next families' funeral on Thursday. These were times when communities were strong and strength of character even stronger. 

One of the brothers regularly turns up to support his friends at funerals. I have seen him at so many.

The night before the funeral is the longest and most tiring. My thoughts are with the Newhouse Family and I hope they find the same amazing strength they have so often shown to others in their time of grief. 

I dedicate this blog to John Newhouse. Rest In Peace.

See you at the next posting.

Christmas Emotions

©Priscilla Etienne Funeography®

The crying we experience in everyday life is very different to crying because of grief. I think one form can be from frustration, anger, and even physical pain. But the tears from grief is etched so much deeper. As I've become older I have become more emotional. I seem to cry really easily. Things hurt me more.

Christmas time is always the most emotional. I want to cry more, express my sadness more, and sometimes I can get very  short with people if they upset me. I seem to take on a more direct attitude. In a nutshell, if I'm put out, i'll let you know loud and clear and as quickly as the words can leave my mouth.

I do like this time of year, but at the same time, it makes me angry, I think it's because I want to try and put right all the wrongs that have been done to me, ask others why they feel how they feel and expect a direct and prompt answer, get the apologies owed to me, and give my apologies. Trouble is.... I want to do it all before midnight on New Year's Eve. I feel quite exhausted fitting all that in. New Year's Eve tends to bring personal politics to the fore.

     Working with bereaved families can sometimes feel like this. The complicated family politics appear albeit stronger, but similar feelings come to the surface.

Whatever harsh words are spoken, every body feels the sadness, and everybody cries the same tears on the funeral day.

I drove along the route of my mums funeral on Christmas Day on the way to the cemetery The song 'Let Her Go' by passenger was playing on the radio and I suddenly began to cry. I was back at the funeral day. I never got to thank three people in particular that stuck in, and will always be in my mind for what they did that day; brandishing their shovels to bury our mum. Mark Reed, and my two cousins Roger and Eric Francois. Thank you, thank you, thank you all. From the bottom of my heart. 

        For everyone who is feeling their loss harder this time of year. I hope your fondest and dearest memories allow a smile in between the tears at midnight. Happy New Year.

See you at the next posting.

I dedicate this blog to the exceptionally strong and fiercely missed Iona Magloire. 

The Token Mourner

©Priscilla Etienne Funeography®

I'm on the last dvd of my Sopranos box set. In a previous episode Uncle Junior is going crazy being under house arrest, so he begins to use every opportunity to get permission to leave the house, by attending as many funerals as he can.

On the day of my mums funeral back in January 1996, I'd already attended so many funerals. When the funeral director arrived at the family home and saw me he smiled and said; 

'Here she is, the token mourner'. When I told him it was my mum he was clearly embarrassed but I understood why he said it. 

        To have attended 1-2 funerals every year since I was seventeen is an awful lot. Their frequency coupled with the importance to attend has become a foundation of my life. Quite honestly, I choose a funeral over a wedding every time. Yes, I enjoy them. Why? Because they are nearly always honest and sincere.  In eulogies, not only are a persons achievements remembered, but also their misgivings. They always keep me grounded and allow me to continuously evaluate my actions and my purpose in life. I don't make a decision to appreciate each day and make the most of life, then forget about it when I get home.
I can always see the importance in making an effort to attend a funeral as a mourner because the strength and comfort that comes from seeing family, friends, and familiar faces speaks volumes. It really helps to distract from the many silences we experience, along with deep thoughts and anxiety. 

I've become a familiar face now at many local funerals and hopefully a welcome one, and when it's my turn to die, I'm sure someone there will forget themselves for a second and say...... Where's Cilla????

I dedicate this blog to Lena Lloyd. I think of you often and you are still very much missed.

The Love of a Large Family

©Priscilla Etienne Funeography

On Wednesday the large family and even larger community got together to say a final farewell to Dorothy Howlett. To all that knew her well, Dolly. The family come from where I grew up and all of them were at school with me and my brothers and sisters. Taking this picture was emotionally overwhelming for me because I haven't seen them all together like this since I was a young girl. As soon as I was able to gather them together very briefly I took this opportunity. It was unexpected as the family had not commissioned Funeography but they kindly agreed to the picture.

One of the things that I have never seen before was an individual message from each of them inside the order of service booklet. I looked around the church and saw people crying as they were reading the messages. It was lovely to see Dolly's grand sons carry her into the horse drawn carriage, the tallest grandson kissing her coffin tenderly. Once we were inside the church, her sons carried her inside. I could see the clear pride on everyone's faces. 

Once back at the house I looked around, and in each room I could see the brothers and sisters coming in and out, with various friends behind them. I could hear laughter, arguments, singing, and even saw myself standing in the kitchen with Dolly's youngest daughter, in the days when we wore belts for skirts. It really was an open house with so much warmth the house practically glowed.

I would like to thank the Howlett family for opening their minds to the wonderful idea of a family portrait outside the beloved house they all once, and still do call home.

I dedicate this blog to Jim and Dorothy Howlett. Together again and watching over the wonderful legacy you both created. 

Thank You Richard Drew

Richard Drew (2001) The Falling Man

Richard Drew is a photographer for the Associated Press. On the 11th September 2001, it was the first day of fashion week and he was working in a studio. He was told about the world Trade Centre attacks by a colleague at the shoot and was then called by the office and told to abandon the shoot and head to the scene. He made his way toward West Street and when he got there he began taking pictures of the fire taking hold and the first scenes of devastation. Then a woman standing near to him said 'Look, look at those people'. Frightened for their lives and with no means of escape people made the no win decision of jumping from the windows of the building.

   That single image sparked a debate all over America and the world. Questions were being asked about why anyone would want to capture such a harrowing image, and who the man was. The debate spread and resulted in a documentary being made some years after the attacks. 

Of all the stories and interviews I listened to, this particular incident made me think about the scale of fear and confusion more than any other. I developed a great amount of respect and admiration for Richard Drew and I was thankful for the bravery he had to continue shooting and the respectful way he explained his reasons for taking the picture. 

I would have been compelled to continue shooting these images as well because my work is very much focused on human behaviour, emotion and reaction. 

It's alway better to see all sides of a situation even when it's difficult to accept. Photography isn't just about cute kittens and the prettiest bride on her wedding day. It's about moments in time, portraying a feeling without hearing sound and producing such a powerful, thought provoking image that it needs no explanation. 

For all these things........Thank you Richard Drew.

I dedicate this blog to all the men, women and children who lost their lives that day. May you rest in eternal peace.